MY FIRST BLOG

My First blog----- History
On the subject of being male, black and gay. What a subject huh? I'm writing this as a way to explore my existence in this world and as you know we are commonly comprised of several things that make us who we are. Our sex, race and sexuality. Now don't get me wrong. There is more to me than those three things, but honestly let’s just put it out there and tell it like it is. Sex, race and sexuality are what humans look at most intensely when defining another person. When asked to describe someone we most common describe the features that people can most quickly identify a person. "Well he's black with short hair and big eyes", "Oh Jason; he's white with big feet", "Who Roger? you know he's the gay guy"……. So, I could be reducing the process down to the simple but I think you all know what I mean. Right? Moving on…. Not to cloud my vision of this introspective conversation with meaningless chatter let’s get down to the meat of things. I'm a gay black male in America. I didn't start out that way. Well I did start out black and a male but the gay part is somewhat debatable.
I started out in life with a simple upbringing. I was the product of a single parent home and for the longest time was the only child until as time does allow for change, my mother had another child. That aside, I was brought up in somewhat a Christian atmosphere as we were church going people and great believers in our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. In other words I was reared to be a woman lovin straight boy who so happened to be a little fem. I'm not bitter for the record. Yes, my mother would say and I quote "he's a little sensitive." She loved me though and wanted the best for me. Nurtured me in her own way and tried to lead my down the straight and narrow. No pun intended. I had the most macho of uncles and cousin and then there was me the sensitive one... (Laughing to myself) Thinking back, they all thought I was gay or would be gay even though I didn't know it at the time. I can honestly say that I didn't even know what gay was or what it was about. I remember a pair of cousins once convinced me that I was of the female gender. Upon my acquiescence to the long and insistent accusation from my much older and experienced family members I went to my mother for conformation. So I asked, "Momma am I a female?" I'll let you deduce the remainder of that conversation. Basically, at a young age I'd been set upon a path of questioning and confusion.
My first public gay accusation was the result of a mere act of kindness. Can you say 1st grade? Children are so cruel!! So this kid, sitting at the lunch table in school, was somewhat a deprived thing as I remember asked me for my drink. Well thinking to myself why would I give you all of my drink and have none? I had this hair brain idea that we could share my drink by simply placing two straws in the container and both quench our thirst. Well what did that in sue? I'll give you three guesses. "Yeeeew you two are fags!!!!", screamed the kids at the table. So that was somewhat traumatizing and as you can see the memory has followed me all of my life. I was heckled and poked fun at as these things happen to children growing up in my different varieties, but the gay thing followed me all the way to high school. I mention all these things as a precursor to the subject at hand. I'm gay, male and black in America.
Now that you have a little history let me fast-forward a little to push this conversation along. So basically I have had some affairs with women and enjoyed them mind you. I liked pussy! I liked it a lot! I met a girl, fell in love was rejected and my penis fell into the mouth of a man. Long story short…… I will, however, back it up a little bit just to put things into perspective. Growing up I had a mild interest in women and was fascinated with the male anatomy. I did have several encounters with a boy when I was very young. He initiated them and we carried on until caught one day by an adult. Mind you he's happily married now with a family and well I'm gay….I'm not bitter though. I needed to put that out there so you wouldn't think that my homosexual tendency came arbitrarily one day when I slid my pants down and let this guy suck my penis. No it didn't happen that instantaneously but I will say from that moment on it has been an ongoing experience. I had no notion or desire after my childhood experience to be with a man. When my girl told me to get lost I fell prey to loneliness and vulnerability. I changed jobs where I was exposed to a whole new world of homosexuality like never before. A coworker with a hot body and beautiful eyes and a lust like none other for black men pursued me relentlessly until I gave in. So here I am ten years later male, black and gay in America.